IT'S SO HARD TO PRETEND NOT TO LOVE A PERSON WHEN YOU REALLY DO.

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ELLA Tamara Bleszynski. 6 april 1993. West Side. Juying Secondary School. O Level This Year. A Dancer But Being An Actress Is My Biggest Dream. NUTZCREW repp FunkyNutz. Red & Adidas Freak ! Single But Unavailable.

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Archieves.

November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 September 2010 November 2010

Friday, September 18, 2009

Title; Depends

I've been closing and opening my eyes since 6 April 1993 .

A big thanks to mother , Roslinah Mohd , and father , Abdul Aziz ,

because without you both , I won't be here in this world .

I won't be able to see how's life and won't be able to

experience what I've experienced since 6 April 1993 till today .

It's hard to stand and walk by myself alone when I was a small kid .

I need a hold of hands .

I need support and encouragements .

And I was able to walk steadily now .

Even running , crawling .... and dancing .

Everything .

But deep inside , I am still not strong enough .

I do still need support , encouragements and corrections .

Learning will never end because everyone make mistakes !

It may be a big or small one .

But first , realise it and change .

TRY to change .

Everytime when I achieve-d what I've wanted ,

my mind was whirling with excitement .

I will give everyone a gleeful smile with dimples that Allah gave me .

* Alhamdulillah .

But when I didn't achieve it ,

I could hear my heart shatter into a million pieces ,

but no one knows .

Misery was written all over my face .

No more smile but was etch-ed with sorrow .

Tear stain-ed but what I could do is ,

FORGET about it .

Somehow , support and encouragements gave me strength .

But where is it now ?

Why everyone is mute-d ?!

It has stop-ed .

It is so easy by entering a life and just go ?

Maybe Allah wants to test me .

But I've no strength to face all this .

When someone ask-ed me why ,

I just smile-d bleakly but utter-ed not a word .

I just want realisations , and then corrections from certain people .

I can't do much .

I just buried my face in my hands and let out an audible sigh .

DISAPPOINTMENT remains .

Maybe this is the last one or maybe it's not .

I don't know .

But I hope one day my prayers will be answer .

Eventhough it's going to take a long period of time ,

I ...............

*speechless .

Before that , I'm sorry truckloads if I have made

any mistakes , big or small , or offend-ed any of you guys .

Being rude or make you guys feel disappoint or angry or sad .

Anything .

I'm here apologising .

I'm sorry !

And everything that you guys've made ,

I have accept-ed it and forgave it .

SELAMAT HARI RAYA !

Labels: goodbye

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