IT'S SO HARD TO PRETEND NOT TO LOVE A PERSON WHEN YOU REALLY DO.
Profile.
ELLA Tamara Bleszynski.
6 april 1993.
West Side.
Juying Secondary School.
O Level This Year.
A Dancer But Being An Actress Is My Biggest Dream.
NUTZCREW repp FunkyNutz.
Red & Adidas Freak !
Single But Unavailable.
Alright its done ! Alhamdulillah .. Cuz i manage to finish everything , thank God .. And i manage to do it .. except the prosedur close :( Very hard ! But well , I've did my very very best .. So i leave no regrets . Just wish me the best people ! Cuz i dont wanna retake it . One shot thats it , provided i hit my target ... If not , gonna retake it again then .....
Ouch tmr is my O LEVEL !! CRAZYYY !!! Today I have to all out !! No choice !!!! Hopefully I can do it , not only that ! Hope I can manage my time well ! 0830 - 1030 : Paper 1 1115 - 1245 : Paper 2 WISH ME LUCK PEOPLE ! CUZ IM FCUKIN SCARED NOW !!
ALRIGHTTT !!! Went to Breathe competition at Plaza S'pore with Nadyra . Nutzcrew were already there . 4 NUTZ were sent , Nutzcrew , Groovy Nutz , Phat Nutz and Freshes Nutz . All did great i must say ! Congratz Nutzcrew and Freshes Nutz for clinching Champion and 2nd ! Well actually i was expecting more from the competitors , like dope dancers coming . But the open cat was kinda , just alright . Anyways , felt bored and so slack at the mrt area . Alif Aircho Artist and i was camwhoring :) LOVES IT ! after that arnd maghrib , me and nadyra make our way to town . Saw Abg Isaac ! and the rest .. blablabla lots lots more ! im lazy to update !
OMG ! I cant sleep because of this guy above , KYLE HANAGAMI ! <3 He's so freakin hot and I love his moves . Each and every ! And whats more ?!! He's coming to Singapore this June at YMCA(dhoby ghaut) !! This is crazy ! But the sad part is the booking is full :( But he stated that there'll be another booking . I dont know . Im waiting for the updates on KYLE HANAGAMI's workshop . ProvideD the payment is to my budget . If not , Im gonna save up my money to turn up for his another classes ! He is rock and CRAZYYYY !!!!! And because of him , Im not sleeping right now cuz I wanna watch all his videos ! From 9pm till now , 4.39am (to be exact) , I keep on watching dance videos from different international dancers .. Nick Demoura , Gigi Torres , S**t Kingz , Shaun Evaristo , Lyle Beniga , Ellen Kim , Ian Eastwood and many many more . They are C.S.D to me . CRAZYYY !!! SICKK !!! DOPEE !!!
Love , it's hurting me . I've never ever face these until I met you . I do not know what's love is after you came by . I've stopped seeing other guys since you're always by my side whenever I'm happy or down . And so , I thought you were the one , but as years passes , you hurt me real bad , deeply bad , until I just cant accept the reality and the fact that you've hurt me . This song in my blog , is specially for you . You know I've been respecting all your decisions , the way you act and everything that you do . Even the thing that you wanna do is bad and I've already give you my advices , but you still didnt care much to all my advices , and that was the time that I still gave you my full support . Simply because seeing you happy will makes me happy too . But you're just plain didnt notice it . You ? It's difficult for me to forget about you but I have to since you're acting like ~@#$%! . You don't deserve me . It's hurt seeing you that way . It may be hard for me to face the reality that you're a *$%#@~ afterall , but I have no other choice . You're not responding to me back . You dont make a effort to improve yourself . I'm always the stupid one ...
I gave you all you desired All that you needed Boy, I provided I let you into my head Into my bed And that's a privilege I had your back at the answers You took the dollars I took the chances Defended, battled and fought Cuz I really thought you loved me I don't know where to start or where to stop No, but I know I am done I've had enough
So fall out of my hands Out of my heart And when you hit the ground You'll be sorry that I'm not around I will watch you While you fall out of your mind Out of your fantasy When you hit the wall Think of me I'll be on the top just watching you fall
You said that you were the strong one I was the girl And I was the young one I kept your feet on the ground My head in the rounds I had you You told me you were so grateful I was with you And I was so faithful Stood by in all that you said And all that you did I loved you I don't know how to act or what to say But I know I am good I'll be okay
And you fall out of my hands Out of my heart And when you hit the ground You'll be sorry that I'm not around I will watch you While you fall out of your mind Out of your fantasy When you hit the wall Think of me I'll be on the top just watching you fall I'll be on the top just watching you fall
So fall out of my hands Out of my heart And when you hit the ground You'll be sorry that I'm not around I will watch you While you fall out of your mind Out of your fantasy When you hit the wall Think of me I'll be on the top just watching you fall I'll be on the top just watching you fall
Just bought a new pair of shoe for myself . Im totally in love with it . Bought it at RUBI for only $29.95 ! It may be simple but its nice though :) I went to Jurong Point alone to get that shoe cuz mom coming home late from work . And then someone accompanied me coincidently , Suhailah . You know Im not that close with her but justnow was like hell ! I mean we talk like we already know each other for like sooooo long and yeahh , we talk shits ! But I love it . She even accompanied me for my lunch . Hehehe ! And guess what ??!! Her birthday falls the same as mine , 6 April :) How sweet ! Just that Im older than her by a year . We had a long talk at Burger King . Thank you Suhailah ! Now Ive know you better and you know me better . Hahaha ! I dont know that you're a great person to talk with ! This coincidence must happen everytime I guess :D Anyways , all the best for O level Malay this Monday :)
HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY DEAREST ! ITS YOUR DAY SO DO IT ! DO WHAT YOU WANT ! AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN EVERYTHING ! YOUR WISHES , MAY IT COME TRUE ONE DAY . I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST ! BASICALLY I MISS YOU AND I WANTS THE JOY AND THE LAUGHTER BACK THAT I HAD WITH YOU LAST TIME !! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ! BABAGAY GICO FLORDELIZA <3
Pheews ! Am so tired ! Its Monday , its blues day . I dont know what going on with my life ! Its so bored ! 2010 is a critical year for me . You know , O level . I just wanna do it once and well . And after that , Im back to my hell life again , seriously ! Now , its all books and revisions and papers all around my room . And what worst , its intensive malay this week . Justnow , Tuesday and Wednesday . Argghhh ! I hope I achieve my aims for my malay exams and I dont have to take it anymore . 31st MAY 2010 . Its a date that stuck in my head now . Because thats the day when Im going to sit for my O level Malay Paper . In the hall ,total silence , just the sound of the fans that can be hear . Shitts ! Its reminds me of last year when I sit for my N level . Its was scary ! Im going to face the same situation again . Now , its even scarier I bet ! Well , wish me luck people !
I miss dancing like seriously ! Nutzcrew <3 I really wanna dance back but I know my families , teachers and all will be disappointed because Ive promised them , something . Thats why you see , all the invitations that Ive been getting for any dance events , I rejected it . I dont want to do that but I have to . I wanna dance with Kak Sery , Kak Zeela and wanna turn up for the auditions but , yeah like Ive said , I really have no choice . My mom said , ' Lepas kau punye O level , joget laa sepuas-puas hati sampai kau bosan '. Thats my mom . What about my form-teacher last year , when he gave me my result for N level ,' You've meet the criteria for N level and you're promoted to sec 5 to do your O levels . But can you promise me something ? Not to dance for a meantime of next year(2010) after your O level is done '. But well , Ella ,its just 5 months more and you're totally done . Now , I just have to focus one thing , studies . Always have to remember the people around me . Its ouhkay if Im the one facing difficulties but not to see them sad about my broken promises and my actions . Shitts ! Examinations is like always ! And Im so sick of it ! But I dont hold any power or authorities to make objections . I wish I can . But keep on wishing Ella . All the best to you . HAH !
I miss practising ! I miss the warming up and 50 jumping jacks each time we wanna start our practices . I love Nutzcrew ! The most lovable crew ever ! Our juniors especially ! Haiizzz .... The last day of the seniors for contributing to the Nutzcrew under school , and the juniors shed tears for the seniors . I , as a senior , felt so touched that Everyone shed tears too ! Including Abg Jamyl , HOWS THAT ?! Hhahahhaa !! Well , for now , its just the matter of time .
Tmr and Wednesday gonna be intensive malay paper . Its like a mock exams . After that head to workshop for Design and Technology . Probably till 6pm ! Haizzz ... But , NO SCHOOL FOR THURSDAY AND FRIDAY ! :D Thursday is the meet-the-parent session for Sec 1,2 and 3 . And Friday is Vesak Day . Yeayyyyyy !!! This is what Ive been wanting to hear for ! HEH ! But what I dont wanna hear is that , the reality is , I have to come back on Saturday because on next Monday is already the actual O level Malay paper . Ouchhhh !! Its hurt .
Alright now Im packing up my things and Im going to Venice tmr morning . I know its so rushing but this is the only time I can release all my stress and everything . Im gonna let all out at there ! No worries , I'll be coming back soon . Tmr is the day where Im going to have fun , fun , fun and just fun ! All the stress that I had , Im gonna throw it far away from me . But I know , the problem will be in me still . Same like those people who drinks beer . Maybe they are too stress and for that , beer is their choice . But those problems is still stick with them . Its just the moment of joy that these people who face difficulties need . For me , well I dont choose beer for my choice , obviously . But I choose Venice . So , let's go !
And I would like to apologies to my dear beloved Nutzcrew . I know Ive been busy with my personal stuffs that I never ever step into the danceroom eversince after the speech day performance . And plus Im not coming for tmr dance explosion . I know this may sound sucky . Especially to Abg Jamyl . Im sorry . I know this sorry may bring no meaning to majority of you guys but well ,atleast I apologies . I love you guys so much ! Its just the matter of time . I will be seeing you guys like soon !! I promise . I LOVE YOU GUYS ! NUTZCREW ITS WHERE I STARTED MY REAL LIFE !! I get to know more and more people of the national and international dancers . Dope dancers especially ! Nutzcrew , ALL THE VERY BEST FOR TMR DANCE EXPLOSION . I KNOW YOU GUYS WILL ROCK THE STAGE ! And to Aryll , TAKE CARE OF MY NUTZCREW SHIRT OUHKAY ! PLEASE WASH IT AFTER USE !! Make sure eh ! Hehehehe :)
Well guys , actually tmr Im going to Escape Theme Park and not Venice . HAHAHAHHAHA !!!!! :D Im going Escape Theme Park with my nephews . Their parents were working and they are too small and young to go by themselves . So my brother and I gonna bring them there tmr . Thats about it . Please , its not Venice . Its just one of the place where I wanted to go when I have my own stable job , a very extreme good salary , and blablablaaa ..... And the last rule is , I wanna go there with my future husband . And Im sure its not gonna be as early at this time . Its a long long long way to go or maybe , I never ever step in there . Hmmm ... Alright tonight Im going to sleep at woodlands , my Uncle's house . Im so going to ride the 360degree inverter ! IM SURE WITH THAT RIDE , MY PROBLEMS WILL ALL GONE CUZ IM TOO GIDDY . HAHAHHAHA !!! Omg , Escape is so boring and yet Im acting this way , as if this is my first time going there . HAHAHAHA !! You guys may think Im crazy but I guess i react this way cuz this is the only way for me to release stress you see . And know what , its been 3 weeks Ive never step my feet to town ! Hows that ?! All because of my Design and Technology's portfolios . Pheewss . Sucked Big Time ! But Im still doing it whole-heartedly cuz I know this is where my future is . Its not a game . Its a serious thing . I hope I achieve what I want .
Im so sad deeply but I always try my very best to put a smile on my face to all of the people around me . It may be a fake smile , but thats the best for everyone . I want to make a shoutout that , I LOVE EVERYONE WHOM I KNOW AND PEOPLE WHO KNOWS ME . Thats all :)
And you , stop listening to others . You wanna know the truth from me , come look for me . Cuz I guess all this while you're getting and hearing a falsification informations . Thats all I can say . Thank you .
Terima Kasih atas sokongan anda . hahahhahaha ........
I seriously do not know why everything must happened to me . We were friends at first and now , we're like strangers or maybe I should say holding grudges towards one another ? I don't know . But I want to make it clear to you , I don't hold any grudges towards you . Yes maybe at first I am super mad at you , and I know I hurt your feelings and worst , I break your heart into pieces . I am so sorry . I know you will not accept my apologies , but you have to know something that I treasure you and I do . I just need you to understand my situation at that time , that's all . I'm so straight forward as what you describe me . I know it's hurt you lots when I tell you the truth , but , I do not know what exactly I'm doing . Maybe I'm doing it all for the another person in my life . I really do not know how and what more can I say . And I know , you hate me now . It's obvious in my eyes . But it's ouhkay . Well I do not know if you gonna forgive me or not , but I hereby apologising the issue that we had that day . Ella am sorry Khals . And it's sincere .
And to you , I do not want you to think otherwise . I do not want you to have any bad impressions towards me . Guess you should have known me deep right . So , it still up to you to describe me how you want to describe me . It doesn't matter to me . But I want to make things clear , that I have no bad intentions and its all happened suddenly .
I just wish that I could tell everything to someone . Everything to someone that I trust most . Only God knows well .
i really dont know . everything was kept inside , for too long i guess . that now its so hurt ... maybe i should pass you my reddish diary , so you will know exactly , how i actually felt . sighs ...
Is a love a thing to live with ? Can we survive without it ? Maybe its true , Maybe its false . Different people all , Have different thoughts . Now what is love ? Is it strong ? Is it pain ? Will it last long ? Does it hurt to be in love ? Will we get bless from the God's above ? Is it tough to be together ? Can we both be close forever ? These are all the questions to be answer-ed , before i give my answer ......
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ABANG ! yeahh its my elder brother's birthday today . mini celebration in the house :) well , HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO YOU BRO ! WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN EVERYTHING <3
arghh prelims exams starts tmr . 6/5 having english paper , 7/5 having malay paper , and 10/5 having social studies paper . and im so glad that the rest of the exams for other subjects resume after june holidays .... AND OMCM !!!! O LEVEL MALAY PAPER IS ON 31ST MAY 2010 !! wish me luck people :) cuz im so freakin scared ~
sometimes people hurt another person's feeling with their actions without noticing it or realising it .
and i do admit that sometimes i hurt other people's feeling without me realising it myself .... please do tell me , i'll apologise and make you feel better the next time round .
Jangan pernah katakan bahwa cintamu hanyalah untukku Karena kini kau telah membaginya Maafkan jika memang kini harus kutinggalkan dirimu Karena hatiku slalu kau lukai Tak ada lagi yang bisa ku lakukan tanpamu Ku hanya bisa mengatakan apa yg kurasa
Ku menangis... membayangkan Betapa kejamnya dirimu atas diriku Kau duakan cinta ini Kau pergi bersamanya
Ku menangis... melepaskan Kepergian dirimu dari sisi hidupku Harus slalu kau tahu Akulah hati yg telah disakiti
Maafkan jika memang kini harus kutinggalkan dirimu Karena hatiku slalu kau lukai Tak ada lagi yang bisa ku lakukan tanpamu Ku hanya bisa mengatakan apa yg kurasa
Ku menangis... membayangkan Betapa kejamnya dirimu atas diriku Kau duakan cinta ini Kau pergi bersamanya
Ku menangis... melepaskan Kepergian dirimu dari sisi hidupku Harus slalu kau tahu Akulah hati yg telah kau sakiti
Ku menangis... Harus slalu kau tahu Akulah hati yang telah.... Kau sakiti...
ELLA Tamara Bleszynski.
6 april 1993.
West Side.
Juying Secondary School.
O Level This Year.
A Dancer But Being An Actress Is My Biggest Dream.
NUTZCREW repp FunkyNutz.
Red & Adidas Freak !
Single But Unavailable.
