I have a friend . Her name is Nabilah . I always here beside her , Im the only person who knows how her life is . I was born with her . She was beside me . This means that I know everything about her from the first time she sees the world , and also the last time that she will live in this world . She always share her stories with me . And I really pity her upon hearing all of her stories . I know how she feel , cause as her most closest friend , somehow I can feel how she really felt .

She met a guy and she thought it was really a guy . She fall for that guy but that guy didnt know about this . After a while , she realised that actually that guy is a gay . After some time , being close with that gay , she then admit to herself that , yes that guy is really a gay . But she cant help it . She really love him . I , as her good friend , I told her not to love that gay . But she insisted . I've told her that she'll be hurt soon after . But she ignored . She believe in Allah and she didnt ever forget to pray for that gay every night before she sleep .

Yes Ive been friends with Nabilah for 17years plus and she's a type of girl who will follow her heart , not words from other people . When she believe , she really do , eventhough sometimes what she believe , isnt true . Nabilah have been loving that gay for more than a year , close to 2years . This equal to how many nights she prayed for that gay . And again , I as her closest friend , I tried to advice her again . I said to her that sometimes we really have to let go of the person that we really love . Again , she ignored and she replied , saying that no one ever knows how deep the love is . She added , 'This is my first love . A person that I really love sincerely and Im willing for any sacrifices . Ella , you knew that Im single but there's someone in my heart and it has already stay there for more than a year . This equally means that Im just waiting , no relationship between us , I repeat just WAITING and by waiting it takes me more than a year . I've never ever in my life , waiting for a person , but this is my first time simply cause , I feel much more different in 'this world' of love . Well , after she said that , I just utter not a word . I dont understand the terms that she used ,'this world', but I really pity her . I always saw her crying every night after saying her prayers . I try to confront her but she'll walk away , but not too far from me .

But today , she come to me and gave me a letter that state this ,'Ella , thankyou for always been there for me . You know everything that happened to me . I should follow your advices in the very first place . As you know , Im really disappointed with that gay already . He's been too gay nowadays . Ive tried my best to help him but it seems like he ignore . Ive prayed for him from the beginning but it seems like ,.. I dont know Ella . Im really sad . At times , I hate him . This few weeks , Ive tried to move on , Ive tried to dislike him , Ive tried to do so many things just to get over him but its not working . I hate these ! Cause the feeling just cant go away ! I just hope that Allah will open up his mind , his thinking , his mindset to think deeply . I hope that Allah will realise him before its too late . I hope that Allah will open up his eyes to see everything clearly . And I'll always pray that Allah will guide him and protect him from everything . Ella , Im stucked .' I cried reading her letter . As her most closest friend , I really know how she really felt . This gonna be real hard for her to face it . I meet her and asked if she really wanna move on . She nodded . I asked her again why she wanted to move on . She replied , 'Its really hurtful inside'. After some time I asked her again , 'Do you still love that gay ?'. She continued , 'Yes.....' and she start crying and I cried too . Everybody can see her tears but not mine . Then she come nearer to me and wanted to hug me , but as the light flashes the whole atmosphere , Im gone ...
Nabilah is now still stucked with her surroundings ~~

Labels: Shadows

Im so pressurized with everything . I have many things to think . I have many things to do . And I have many things to really think and do ! Gosshh !! Admit yourself that you readers actually do not understand what Im trying to state here . HAH ! Yeahh I know . Nowadays , Ive been too matured , I guess . And its killing me ! Cause too mature equals boring life ! But Im so stressful , this leads me to be quiet . And when Im stressful , sometimes I feel like talking to a person , that I love most . But no , it wont , exactly happen . Thats why Im glad and I appreciate the presence of Jason Lam . Who always be there for me , talking and sharing . The advices that he gave and all . Since he shared with me his stories , his life and need my advices , So I did the same . I shared with him mine and the advices he gave , somehow really effective . Should follow his advices . And he is the only guy who that I can talk to , share to , laugh to ,and everything . I feel comfortable with him . Wait I mean as friendship . You see , I have many other boys' friends and they are all really very important to me . We laugh , we crap jokes together , we play together and stuff . But with them , I cant share my personal stuff cause somehow it feels awkward . But its different to Jason . I can comfortably share and say everything about my personal stuffs . And a friend like him meant alot to me .

I would like to thank Nady Kiran , Akit Mansor and also not forgetting Izza Babyflizo , who really make a big impact to my life . With them I smile . With them Im frustrated . With them I laugh . With them I argued . Many things has happened and all sorrow moments is a good sign for us to learn from it and thats whats leads our friendship to a better one each day . You guys are like everything to me . A lighted splint that .... HAH ! Chemistry ter-include pulak !!

To my dearest boys' friends and girls' friends , somehow you guys have create some impact in my life . Dinie , Zaki , Huzaiyed , Rahim , Alif , Zaifuldin , Hafiz , Khadri , Luqman , Farhan , Firdaus , Shukor , Shawn , Fazrin , Noh , Einstein , Han hui , Shikin , Syafiqah , Shahidah , Syahirah , Faizah , Erlina , Amalia , Amalina , Rasyidah , GOSSSHHHH !! Those people who enter-ed my life , yes your name is on my list . Really ! You guys are awesome people . Great knowing you people , eventhough some may be a short period of time , but I still appreciate everything .

Ofcourse Nutzcrew is not forgotten . You guys are the most bunch of people who make me what I am today !

Labels: Appreciation

Alright firstly , I have a new boyfriend .
SHAH ISKANDAR :)
Hehehehe !!! *blush* No uhh but he's so charming and love the jawline ! Loving his sharp nose and the cappucino's skin colour . Love his sexy lips and most of the things in him ! Hahs ouhkays , this crap !

Alright I wanna wish my beloved seniors Freekzy Nutz all the best in the big thing that happening . Representing the Singapore . Nutzcrew love you ! The Nation love you ! :) All the best bros ! Alif balik Singapore makan kfc ... hehehe !
FLY HIGH LIKE A KITE , STRING ATTACHED TO THE GROUND

Nextly , Im becoming fatter and fatter !! HOW ?!! Siallaa .. Gonna work out real soon ! And diet is coming to my way . Shittss !! Ive increased by 1.5kg and this must not increase any further more ! Gotta work it !!

Labels: Many things going on

Yesterday was my listenin compre for Malay . And justnow was Racial Harmony Day . The whole class of mine (5A2) wore our tradisional clothes . It was nice ! Snap here snap there ! And my school have visitors from Indonesian's school , Cakra Buana , since the last 10 days . The pictures is too small for me too upload it here :( But I tell you , the guys were quite hot . Some of it not all . And one of the Indonesian guy , the name is Diergo , and I cant forget his voice , singing . Seriously it was damn Im melting . So sweet so soft so gentle like the smooth cool waves . LOVES IT ! Well I hope they will have their safe journey back to their country .

Nowadays , I feel like vomiting but actually Im not vomit . I just keep on 'bluekk bluekk' but didnt vomit . This is so irritating . I dont know whats the cause . Well dont say that Im pregnant cause absolutely NO DICKS enter before ! So stop saying ! I think Im on the way to sick , thats why . Arrghh really very painful !

Labels: Painful Throat

Tomorrow Im goin to sit for my O Level Listening Compre Examinations (Malay) . If you guys wanna hear it with me , channel your radio station to RIA , 89.7 FM . Ouhkay Im kinda scared . Scared for everything ! So please pray for the best for me . Its gonna be at 4pm . I just hope I can do it with truly love . I just need to cool down myself and just do my very best . Seriously im scared of this examinations ! Im doubting if I can do very well in this O level but I just try my very best .....
How I wish the listenin compre is all about music and no talkings ! Pheewwss ~ Alright tomorrow gonna be a long day ahead for me . Anyways , I cant wait for floorball , yeahh !! My team been winning , HOORAYY !!!
SPORTS SO AMAZING !! <3

Labels: Radio, RIA 89.7FM

Currently at Pioneer's MacD now and soon gonna head to Aqilah's house as we need to do something . No dont get me wrong ! Hehs !! We have to complete our Social Studies assignment by tmr or else we're gonna be dead :( There's no school today , HOORAY !! :D Students should do their own revisions and access the net to do assignments that teacher sent through the portal . Freakin tired , yes ! But just do laa , to avoid getting scolded ! Im sick of getting scolded . It left me with 3 months in that school before I graduate , Insya-Allah . And I really try to be a good girl in school in this 3 months , before I sit for my O level . But actually , I think Im already a good girl , everyone is . Just that sometimes we get possession easily . HAHAHAH !!

Alright Im off now . I miss everyone . I miss each and everyone . I miss every single one of you . If one day I happen to be hospitalised or meet an accident or any bad happen to me , please dont forget me guys .

Loves ,
Ella Tamara Bleszynski


I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, build the places I can't reach

Labels: Use Somebody

Alright its 1:33am now and Im not asleep yet . I cant sleep cause I wanna watch who's the winner for the World Cup 2010 . You see Im so enthusiastic with this match cause my favourite is there , SPAIN :) Yupp hopefully Spain grab the World Cup . And you see , Ive been thinking lots of stuffs nowadays . Many things inside me , that only certain people knows . Im too stresed with my surroundings . Especially , O level is nearer and nearer and I became more scared and really very scared . I hope I achieve my aims . I really want to but its just the amount of work that I must put into . Yes , one of the thing that I keep on thinking is my O level examinations , that will begin on 21st October . You may seems that it is still far far away , but to those candidates , like me , whose gonna take this exams , will feel , its very fcuking near ! I just wanna do my best shot . Simple say , I wanna make my parents happy , thats all .
I would like to thank those whose always been there for me . Giving me advices , motivations and all . Without you guys , Im not that strong to face these challenges . Thank you guys !

And update about me ? No , no update actually . No dance performances or competitions :( No nothing :( But wait ! You'll get more updates about me when Im done with my last paper , which is on 12 November 2010 :) For now , I just stay very very low and do things that I really need to do . And , for now , Im not online-ing always . Umm , maybe everyday but from 10pm-11pm , yeahh . But for facebook , I cant say since it still can be updated through mobile phones , so yeahh .. Hehs ! Well , Ive make my own time-table . Hopefully it works . HAHAHHAA !! But I know it wont last long for goodness sake , cause I think I know myself :)

Labels: You Go Just Like That

FREAKIN TIRED !!! And am not sleepin yet . Arghh nowadays have been sleepin late . Yes Im sleepy but I cant sleep ! I dont know whats the cause . Its 6th July . WHAT?? 6th ?? Hmmmmm .... Dont know , f*ck it :D Ouhyeah its 1.10am now and so its already Tuesday ! Gonna be my last paper later , Combined Science . I know Im gonna screw it up , cause I didnt study for it . I just feel like sleepin when it comes to Science . Not interested at all . But have no choice , as its one of the important subjects though . Alright ! Hmm ouhyeah tmr Im gonna teach me choreography to my juniors , Nutzcrew ! And ofcourse seniors are allowed too :) Everyone of the Nutzcrew , yes ! I so cant wait for that !!

Alright , have to say this . I miss Khalis Ihsan ? Yes ? No ? Yes ? I dont know ... Hmmm ..... Yes I miss him :) Its been awhile . He's always been treating me good , but Im always the troublesome one . I know laa Khals . Dont have to say .. And we had a great talk on the phone last night . But I dont know why we argue so much ! About everything . Ouhkay he praised Nutzcrew so much , so I praised SleekBeatz and Fhunkie Stylerz much much more . Hahahhaa !! ADNAN SEMPIT !!!! And , well he asked me to sing the song that I recommended to him , but then I dont know it turned out to be what . Laughing and argueing . Hmmpph pheewss !! But it was a great chat together . Im just so sad about something . Something personal , that we've been through , that hurts him deep . Im aware of that Khals . But it takes time for me to think . Thank you for always understand me . When Im mad and throw all those words to you , you still handle me with patience . I know . I see everything . Anyways , I wish you all the best in whatever you do now . I hope whatever you do , makes you feel happy and satisfy . Anything , you know you can beep me anytime ...

Labels: i cant sleep